A few years ago, I received an invitation that would unknowingly change my life. It was for my friend’s 40th birthday party. But this was no ordinary celebration with cake and balloons. My friend, a psychotherapist by profession, decided to mark his entry into the ‘forties club’ in a unique way. Instead of a lavish party, he invited us to a couple’s weekend focused on nonviolent communication. Now, you might be thinking, “That doesn’t sound like much of a party.” And you’d be right, but only partly. What I initially perceived as an unconventional choice turned out to be one of the most profound and transformative experiences of my life.
Two Days of Emotional Enlightenment
For two days, we delved into the world of our feelings and needs, exploring nonviolent communication techniques. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. This journey wasn’t about partying in the conventional sense; it was about partying with our inner selves, getting to know our emotions, and understanding our deep-seated needs. It may sound strange to some, but for me, it was a gift beyond measure. I learned to connect with myself and others on a much deeper level.
The Birth of a Personal Resource
Inspired by the course, I created a personal resource to help continue the practice of nonviolent communication in my daily life. This resource comprised two sets of cards: 60 orange cards featuring words describing feelings and 60 blue cards detailing various needs. This simple yet effective tool transformed the way I communicate.
Why was this so revolutionary? In our everyday language, we often confuse feelings with thoughts. This mix-up can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. However, by using these cards, I was compelled to choose words that accurately represented my emotions, free from judgments and interpretations. This clarity in communication has led to fewer conflicts and a deeper connection with those around me.
For example, using a word like “unloved” often carries judgment and is not truly an emotion. On the other hand, expressing a need for acceptance without imposing demands on others fosters healthier conversations and relationships.
The Magic of Cards Over Lists
Why use cards instead of a simple list? The tactile process of flipping through a deck allows for a more intimate and focused reflection on one’s feelings and needs at the moment. It’s a tangible way to connect with oneself, fostering a greater level of empathy and understanding.
Having these cards, rather than a list, makes it easier to pinpoint exactly what you are feeling and needing. This precision in understanding and communicating one’s emotional state is what makes these cards so valuable. It enhances empathy towards oneself and improves the chances of being truly heard by others.
In Conclusion: A Tool for Empathy and Connection
The greatest gift we can give ourselves and others is the ability to communicate effectively and empathetically. Nonviolent communication isn’t just a technique; it’s a pathway to deeper connections and a more fulfilling life.
If you’re seeking a way to improve your communication skills, deepen your relationships, and connect with your inner self, I cannot recommend nonviolent communication highly enough.